How to Get Along With Your Competitor — And Why It Matters in Funeral Service

 




In small-town America, funeral homes carry deep roots. Families grow up with a particular funeral director caring for their loved ones. Generations return to the same chapel because of trust, familiarity, and tradition. In communities like ours, reputations last decades — and so do rivalries.

One trend I’ve noticed throughout my years as a licensed funeral director and embalmer is the smaller towns, competitors hate each other. Not because of wrongdoing. Not because of ethics. But simply because they operate down the street.

It’s an old belief… one that should’ve been buried a long time ago.

The truth is simple:
Your competitor is not your enemy.
They are another professional doing their best to serve grieving families and make a living. And learning to work with them — not against them — benefits you, your staff, your community, and the funeral profession as a whole.

1. Professionalism Doesn’t End at Your Front Door

Funeral service is built on dignity, compassion, and integrity. Those qualities shouldn’t disappear the moment we talk about another funeral home.

When directors speak poorly of their competitors, it reflects far more on them than the business they’re criticizing. Families notice. Communities talk. And in small towns, once a funeral director is known for being bitter or petty, that reputation spreads faster than any advertisement.

A professional understands that respect is part of the job — even when the respect is directed toward a rival.

2. Compassion Isn’t a Resource You Run Out Of

One of the biggest myths in funeral service is that competitors must stay miles apart emotionally. But in reality, there is more than enough compassion to go around.

You and your competitor may serve the same community, but you’re not fighting over a limited supply of humanity. You are both offering comfort in people’s worst moments. There is room for everyone willing to do that with honesty and heart.

When you show kindness toward your competitor — whether during a death call, a service, a consultation, or a public event — families see you for who you truly are:
A caregiver first, a businessperson second.

3. Cooperation Creates Stability in Your Community

The funeral home landscape, especially in small towns, is fragile. Staff shortages, on-call demands, unexpected volume spikes, and licensure requirements create unique challenges.

There will be days when you need their help — and days when they may need yours.

I cannot count the number of times cooperation between funeral homes made the impossible possible:

  • A competitor lending a cot when ours malfunctioned.

  • Sharing pallbearers when one service ran long into another.

  • Calling another funeral director for embalming coverage when my schedule was overloaded.

  • Supporting each other during weather emergencies, long removals, or difficult cases.


I remember one time when I worked for the late Roger Sullivan at Globe Funeral Chapel in Olive Hill. Roger was the coroner. And he got a coroner call at a residence late one night. It was a cold winter night with snow on the ground.

I went along with him.

We arrived and the family informed Roger that they wanted to use our competitor - the Leslie A. Henderson Funeral Home. Roger called Mr. Henderson and told him the family wanted him to care for their loved one.  But his next words kind of shocked the family and stood out as something I'll never forget. He asked Mr. Henderson, "Les, it's bitterly cold out tonight. To save you from having to get out in this weather, do you want me to bring the deceased to you since I'm already here?" Of course, Mr. Henderson agreed.  And he appreciated that. And the family noticed that act of kindness as well.

When you treat a competitor like a colleague instead of an enemy, you build a safety net that benefits the entire community.

And families notice that, too.

4. The Public Is Watching — Always

In small towns, people pay close attention to the behavior of funeral directors. They want to know that the individual caring for their loved one is humble, respectful, and professional.

When you treat your competitor with kindness:

  • You build trust.
    Families believe you will treat them with the same kindness.

  • You show maturity and leadership.
    People value a director who elevates the profession, not one who fuels gossip.

  • You reduce community tension.
    No one likes seeing local businesses at war, especially ones responsible for helping families heal.

Ironically, getting along with your competitor often results in more business, not less. Families gravitate toward character, not conflict.

5. Rivalry Is Normal — Hostility Is Not

Competition can be healthy. It pushes funeral homes to improve their services, update facilities, expand offerings, and elevate their level of care.

But hostility never benefits anyone.

Healthy competition looks like:

  • Offering better service — not tearing others down

  • Standing out through excellence — not pettiness

  • Innovating — not undermining

  • Focusing on your strengths — not obsessing over theirs

Hostility, on the other hand, damages the profession and the public’s trust.

6. Your Reputation Outlives Your Career

In funeral service, reputations become legacies.

Families may not remember every price, package, or chapel renovation — but they will remember:

  • how you treated them

  • how you treated their loved one

  • how you treated your peers

A funeral director who is respected by the community and their competitors leaves behind a legacy that lasts long after retirement.

Final Thoughts: Kindness Pays Dividends

I’ve never believed in hating my competitor simply because they exist. That mindset is outdated, unprofessional, and — frankly — unnecessary.

I’ve gained more opportunities, more trust, and more respect by treating competitors as fellow professionals than I ever would have by treating them as enemies.

In the funeral profession, we are here because families need us — not because we need to prove who’s “better.” When we choose compassion over rivalry, the entire community wins.

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